More on social skills

For people with social skills challenges it is not enough just to teach how to recognize different facial expression or how to greet someone, it is equally important to teach when and where to apply non-verbal language skills. Social skills make it possible to form relationships in order to feed our need for social interactions and connections. These skills will be used to cultivate friends, acquire and maintain a job, as well as negotiate the demands of school.

Social skills are directly taught in the early years by parents and schools, but past kindergarten in most public schools work on social skills ends. A lack of social skills is present when we hear of teens going into a school and shooting everyone. They can think of no other solution. Certainly, lack of social skills is not the only missing skill and the break down in the interaction is not just a result of one person’s poor social skills but also speaks to a society that does not teach their students tolerance and acceptance of differences. This intolerance results in social isolation.

We all continue to hone our social skills throughout life using observation, discussion, and imitation. Hanging out with friends, is an important teaching tool for teens acquiring social skills. some skills acquired include flirting, group acceptance, and verbal negotiations of disagreements. Social skills are learned throughout our lives through all our social interactions.

However, for people with social skills deficits the ability to perceive underlying non-verbal communication in a social situation often does not happen. One reason is the lack of social opportunities. These kids have difficulty making friends. Next because of their inability to perceive non-verbal language cues, they often do not even see the communication exchanges. However, with direct group and individual training, that includes work in the community, progress is possible.

Would you like more information on social skills?

http://maxweber.hunter.cuny.edu/pub/eres/EDSPC715_MCINTYRE/SocialSkills.html

You don’t like my ponytails!

One day my daughter was on a play date, and she came running in crying that someone had made fun of her ponytails. My daughter’s ponytails are more like cotton puffs, but we both knew that her ponytails were a special hairdo. I asked her if she liked them. She tearfully said “yes” I told her if she liked them then she needed to tell her friend. I asked her was she proud of them? She said “yes” so I told her to hold her head high and tell her friend that fact. My daughter went back in the room with her friends and announced to the other child “I like my ponytails!” The child said “okay,” and they went on to play. Later in the day, we were on yet another play date. (It was a busy day.) I overheard my daughter telling another child who had made fun of her dress, “I like my dress,” using the same proud tone. This situation provided an example of the social skills learning process.

First, there was direct training, then independent use of the skills, and finally generalization to another similar situation. When a skill is applied to another situation, the process is called generalization. I taught my daughter not just what to say, but how to say it. I built up her confidence by reminding her of her attachment to her ponytails. I instructed her in the tone of voice to use, the amount of eye contact to administer, and set the tone for body gestures (confidence).The second component that my daughter did beautifully was that she took what I said in one situation and applied it to a new situation. For many children and adults generalization is the most complex and difficult component of learning.

How do we learn to make friends

Today at lunch, my friend told me about a problem her son was having on the bus. She went on to describe how one little boy on the bus who was unpopular, teased and not befriended, had decided to bring his Nintendo with a “Star Wars” game on the bus. He let other kids play only if they gave him something. Well, my friend caught her poor Nintendo-less son bringing him candy. My friend was horrified. I laughed because the little boy was really thinking. He is playing out his own little social experiment. The problem is we know that the kids will give this child things to play the game. What he is hoping for is that someone will be his friend, but the likelihood that will work is very slim. My friend asked her son would he talk to this child after he played the game. Her son responded “no,” and then she went on to talk about the implications.

The other child needs some help with social skills. He is aware that he is having problems making friends. He is being teased and lonely. He needs help to learn new ways to try to make friends. The first step is hopefully his parents will give him some guidance, but also since friendship at six is often interest based maybe he will stumble upon another child who plays in a similar way. regardless, he needs to learn to make friends, how to identify possible friends, strategies and responses to deflect teasing. All normal tasks for a 5-6 year old.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07219/807478-298.stm

Head injuries and strokes: lessons to learn

Working at Boston Specialty Rehabilitation Hospital, my first job, helped me to define my role as a “Speech Pathologist.” One of my greatest success’s while working in rehabilitation, was working with a woman who had suffered a stroke by providing cognitive and reading remediation. While chasing one of my early clients down the halls of the hospital, I wondered was I going to be able to help her. Would she let me? She often told me she was too tired or had a headache. Before her stroke, she loved to read, that was no longer true. She had reoccurring headaches, limited self-awareness, and difficulty problem solving. It was a struggle to get her into therapy. Luckily, with my problem solving, goal oriented abilities and the help of her doctor and physical therapist she did receive therapy. She walked out of the hospital reading, able to do basic problem solving, and more self-aware. Later she returned to thank me for my diligence. What did I learn? Well, when someone does not want to do something that they love, listen carefully to find the underlying problem(s). After her sessions with me, she often had terrible headaches. Early on after a stroke or head injury, headaches are common, but pain relievers are effective. Before each session, she was prescribed a pain reliever. The two most important lessons however, were regarding motivation. Often motivation can be compromised because of very real concerns and the concerns must be addressed if there is any hope of helping. Next, self-awareness is not needed in order to make change, but self-awareness does make it easier to motivate someone. These lessons I incorporate in my work to this day.

Executive functioning: What’s that have to do with a language disorder?

After working with students for over 13 years the one thing that continues to amaze me is the fact that so often language remediation of a language disorder has as much to do with language as it does with executive functioning including self-regulation. Here’s a site that defines and looks at executive functioning in children. http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/News/Executive-Function-Part-Six-Training-executive-function.aspx?articleID=8177&categoryID=news-type. Working with students with language disorders means teaching vocabulary, grammar, pragmatics, semantics, comprehension, but also must include instruction in how to learn.